In this series, I’ve been trying to encourage providers of writing services to try editing. In this post I hope to illustrate the process with an example.

Over the transom.

I still hear the ‘plonk’. Even though it’s a virtual manuscript hitting my in-box, I hear the sound of a ream of paper falling solidly on my desk.

You never know exactly what you are going to get, but if you’ve done the prep-work well enough, you have a pretty good idea. The initial sample you received from the buyer and the subsequent discussion gave you enough information to set your rate. But there’s still the plonk.

Here’s an example:*

Creating a Healthy Mindset

Do you feel like you could have a healthier attitude toward life? Would you like to change your attitude or simply approach things in a different way? It can be difficult with all of the stressors in your life to lead a healthy lifestyle, but the way that it needs to start is through a healthy mindset. Many people think that they are just meant to be a pessimist or they just aren’t as optimistic as a lot of the other people in their life. You can achieve a healthy mindset; you just need to go about it in the right way.

How You Can Have a Healthier Mindset

Many people sit back and look at their lives and wish that they could look at things in a more positive manner. Instead of working toward being positive they beat themselves up for being negative or not having the responses or attitudes that they wish they would have naturally. This is a typical response, but it doesn’t do any good. Instead of getting mad at yourself for responding the way you do, go about the desire to have a healthier mindset in a positive way.

What the buyer had to say.

“It’s too smooshy, too loose. Can you punch it up and have it read better?”

A little Q&A revealed that this was written to be SEO friendly. The original writer had her hands tied. I explained the trade-offs between readable and machine readable. The key phrase was ‘healthy mindset’, and I promised I would try to keep as many instances as I could while still keeping in mind that actual humans were the target audience.

The Parameters

• Keep, as much as reasonable, the key phrase.
• Shorten the run on sentences.
• Remove the redundancies.
• Punch it up (by way of the above and formatting tricks)

The Process

Here’s a blow by blow for one of the sentences: It can be difficult with all of the stressors in your life to lead a healthy lifestyle, but the way that it needs to start is through a healthy mindset.

Check the first 7 words in a sentence. If the writer hasn’t gotten to the subject, there is a problem. Simply reordering improves it. The stressors in your life make leading a healthy lifestyle difficult…

But I don’t like ’stressors’. How about, Life’s pressures make leading a healthy lifestyle difficult… ? The ‘life and lifestyle’ conflict. And I don’t like ‘make leading’ either. Another shuffle and rewording gives: Living healthy is difficult in the face of daily pressures and stress. A healthy mindset can help overcome this.

Now, I don’t like ‘in the face of’. So- Living healthy is difficult because of daily pressures and stress. A healthy mindset can help you overcome this.

18 words from 30 and one use of the key phrase in each passage. That’s how it goes.

Try it yourself.

I’ve picked out a few wordy phrases you should be able to either eliminate or shorten dramatically. Give it a shot and try out your editor muscles. There’s nothing as worthwhile as hands-on.

• Many people think that
• a lot of other people in their life.
• wish that they could look at things in a more positive manner
• not having the responses or attitudes that they wish they would have naturally.
• go about the desire to have a healthier mindset in a positive way.

Like it? Hate it? Either way, I’m betting you can do it. And like me, you will get better over time. Better, faster, stronger, editor.

*If you are the author of this example, I would like to credit you for the work. I copyscaped it and didn’t get any results. As it stands, I am relying on ‘fair use’ of this small portion, but certainly I would like to give a proper citation.

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